Through the Veil of Tears
Hypnotherapy Solutions for Loss, Abandonment and Betrayal
Part 3: Loss of the Dream of Love
By David Quigley
Sometimes we discover that the love we thought we knew never really existed. I once described some of the abuses of my first marriage to a new love. She looked at me with sympathy and shock. "David," she said, "Isn't it obvious that she never really loved you?" This awareness hit me like a flash of light in the darkness of my pain.
There is something profoundly liberating about this insight. In discovering this we can sometimes dispense with anger at the other person. After all, while the wife I thought I married may have been an evil betrayer, the one I actually married was a mentally ill woman, a lost child so wounded by her abusive childhood that she was incapable of loving me... or anyone else. While I still needed to release anger at myself for my foolish choices (see the self forgiveness process in Part 2) I could let this poor woman off the hook. Here are some other examples of losing the dream of love.
"My dad was never there for me. Now after his death I realize he was never even a father to any of us. Just a drunk. He could never have been what I wanted."
"He never even said I love you once in seven years together. He never even looked at me with love in his eyes. He never mentioned any future for us. Why did I stay?"
"After that one night of passion, I have spent 30 years obsessing over him."
Leads to Intimate Partnership
"The Alchemy training opened my eyes to new possibilities of healing I had never dreamed of in my medical training. During one of David's Empowerment workshops, I was able to end a lifelong pattern of unrequited longing for romantic love and commitment during a powerful ceremony of past life work. Within a year, I met my present partner and now have enjoyed for 3 years a wonderful intimate partnership for the first time in my life."
Patricia Sorensen, RNRedwood City, CA
415-366-3900
In addition to the Self Forgiveness process described in Part 2, we need to find the inner mate or inner parent in the subconscious mind who can meet our needs for love. (In the Alchemical Journey series, the journeys that can help you find these internal resources are "The Inner Mate" and "Meeting an Inner Guide", available on our website via MP3 download or CD.) Only then can we stop the projections that cause us to see others in a deluded way. To the extent that we dream of our neurotic mom finally loving us or absentee father finally listening to us, we often continue to live in a state of chronic suffering and bereavement. Drugs, counseling, reasoning with that lonely inner child, all of these I have found have little value. The only solution that really works here is to release this parent and find a new loving parent in the inner world who can finally meet our inner child’s needs for love. Then we use ongoing hypnotherapy sessions to bond these loving parents to the client’s daily life. Then we can finally let go of the "parent" who was never available anyway. That works.
Still another process that may be essential here is examining the past life contract with this other person. Many times I find that long term obsessions about a relationship that has never met our basic needs for love and never will are the result of a past life connection with another person. In a past life this person may have been a true and devoted lover. Or maybe just a powerful obsession like the Romeo and Juliet romance. Could you imagine Romeo following his Juliet through one lifetime after another trying to fulfill their promise to each other? Yes, that would be quite typical of the past life contracts that I have frequently discovered. Yet, until we can examine the situation of their original contract with each other, it may be impossible for these two to even imagine a life apart from each other. Once we have discovered their contract, we can help them to see that an adolescent fantasy of romance with a suicide pact, however poignant, is no substitute for a lasting relationship. Then both parties to this contract can simply let it go if it no longer serves them.
Here is a real life example. One client was trapped in a five year marriage filled with conflict. She understood that the man she loved was just a fantasy. But she could not let go. We went back to where this relationship began and she saw herself as a young southern belle in a vast plantation in the old south. She had fallen in love with a handsome black slave, and in a moment of adolescent passion promised to free him from his slavery, escape with him to the frontier, and marry him. Her brief affair led to her pregnancy. After giving birth to a black child her lover was quickly identified. She was told he had been killed. But she promised to remain faithful forever. She went home to her present husband that evening. As she described this story to him, he burst into tears. He told her he remembered all of it. But he insisted that he had escaped the hounds by swimming across the river, and had later come back to claim her, but she had married someone else. "I had to!" she cried, "but in my heart I wanted only you." They shared these powerful memories together and held each other close for hours of tears. Then they were finally able to see the foolishness of their childish fantasy and let each other go with no regrets. A five year obsession was ended in a few hours.
If you cannot understand why your heart is so imprisoned by a relationship that has never met your needs, call our Institute and see if a past life session can help you let it go. 707 539-4989.
Part 4: Guilt Ridden Separation
Articles in this series:
Part 1: Simple Bereavement
Part 2: Abandonment and Betrayal
Part 3: Loss of the Dream of Love
Part 4: Guilt Ridden Separation
